Ads

Okay, we all agree that we're tired of political advertisements, but as soon as the election is over we'll be swamped with Christmas ads. Some of those are already showing up.

But ads aren't only a nuisance, they can be dangerous to children.

I once read about a scientific study that showed most young kids believe everything they see in ads is true. Because of being bombarded with commercials, children not only want the products, but they accept the social stereotypes portrayed as accurate.

And they may even try to demand the products they see advertised and loose respect for their parents if they don't get them.

Of course we know too much watching of TV, videos, and playing games can desensitize kids to violence and cut down on the time spent in social communication.

So what can parents do about all these problems?

Obviously the first thing is to cut down on the time children, especially young ones, are exposed to the media. When parents work and have others to care for it can be difficult to make time for family activities, but it's important to make that a priority.

And when kids are watching TV parents can make it a habit to comment on the untrustworthiness of commercials. Parents might even borrow their kids gaming devices, play a game or two, then discuss what's good and bad about them.

And while we're getting all the political ads maybe we should remind ourselves not to believe everything we see.

Successful Parents

What makes a successful parent? We tend to think that depends on what our children do when they grow up.

Some people use their kids as status symbols and want them to be rich and/or famous. Most parents want their kids to become self sufficient and have happy marriages and children of their own. And nearly all parents want their kids to avoid becoming criminals or destroying their lives by addictions or reckless behavior.

But the choices adults make are outside their parents' control.

We can try to teach our kids to be responsible, get adequate educations, and make wise decisions. Above all they'll need to have compassion, integrity, and common sense in order to have successful adult lives.

There's no guarantee the things we try to teach will sink in and last but it's important to keep trying. And probably the most important thing parents can do is demonstrate the values they want their children to have.

Feeling Small

I don't normally review books for grown-ups unless they're about parenting, but I recently read one I think might help lots of people, so I'll share it with you here.

Many parents sometimes feel inadequate. Stay-at-home moms may wonder if they should be out earning money while working women wonder if they'd be better parents if they could stay home with their children. And most parents wonder if they are failures when their kids have behavior problems.

Lord I Feel So Small by Jon Drury addresses the feelings of inadequacy most people have, at least at times. I know Jon personally but his amazing honesty in the book about his own struggles let me know him much better.

The book is a Christian one, so people likely to be offended by religious content probably won't like it. People who never have doubts about their own worth won't have any need to read it. But Lord I Feel So Small will probably be helpful to most others, both because it shows they're not alone and because gives practical advice about how to overcome those negative feelings.

Jon sent me a free copy of the book to review but I try always to be completely honest in my book reviews even if I do know the author and I recommend this book highly.

Proud Parenting

It's only natural for parents to be proud of our kids. After all, we love them and they're an important part of our lives.

But some parents carry pride to an extreme, and that's not good.

Once when I was a substitute teacher at a Kindergarten class in a prestigious neighborhood as the kids were lining up to go inside at least ten parents pulled me aside individually. Each one told me his or her child was the smartest one in the class and deserved special attention. None of their kids were any better than the average kids in other schools where I'd taught.

And we've all heard about the soccer moms and dads who drive the coaches crazy by trying to be sure their children are treated like stars.

As the children of parents like that get older, sometimes the pressure is on for them to get into the best colleges, and prepare for careers the parents have chosen without regard for the kids' own interests and talents. Of course all kids need some pushing to do well in school and we all want our children to have happy lives as adults, but sometimes what the parents choose for their sons and daughters is based more on impressing others than the kids' own interests and abilities.

I wish all parents would remember that children are not status symbols.

Heart Cord

When a baby is born the umbilical cord is cut, but an invisible cord that stretches between the baby and the mother's heart is created. That cord lasts as long as the mother and child live.

If they are close together the cord is loose, but whenever the mother and child are separated, either physically or emotionally, it stretches tight and pulls on the mother's heart. Things like the mother returning to work and leaving her baby in child care, the child's first day of school, or when he or she goes to visit a relative or to summer camp without the mother, pull the cord tight. And if the child is hurt, sick, or in trouble it pulls tighter still.

When the baby becomes a teenager he or she might try to reject the tie to the mother's heart, but that only pulls the cord tight since it can't be cut.

When the child becomes an adult and moves out into the world away from the mother the cord continues to stretch between them, although it has become longer. As long as the grown child stays in frequent contact and on good terms with the mother, it can be relaxed, but if there is conflict between generations or the child and parent don't stay in touch, the cord again tightens and pulls on the mother's heart.

Eventually when the mother becomes old the child might become the caregiver and when she dies it's the child's heart that feels the painful pull.

But the cord connecting the hearts of a mother and child cannot be cut.

The name of the cord is Love.

Parenting Problems

What do you think is the most difficult thing about being a parent? Sleepless nights with a crying infant? Potty training? Tantrums of terrible twos? Sending kids off to school and worrying about grades? Getting them to eat healthy foods? Teaching them obedience and common sense? Getting them to do chores? Paying for childcare, sports, and lessons? Dealing with puberty, curfews and teenaged rebellion?

All those things and many more can be difficult but with each of them you know, "This, too, shall pass."

In my humble opinion the hardest thing about being a parent is having your kids grow up and move out on their own, because they'll never go back to being children.

But, if you're lucky, eventually they'll present you with grandkids.

If you're able to see them often you'll get to enjoy the cuddly babies, watch them learn to smile, walk, and talk, help them explore and enjoy the world as they grow, play with them, read to them, and enjoy all the other great things about children. Even grandparents who have custody of their grandkids have already been through the hard stuff with their own kids and that experience makes it all easier to handle.

As parents it's hard to imagine becoming a grandparent, but when and if that finally happens you'll be amazed at how much fun it is.

Sibling Rivalry

Any time more than two humans are together for long, there will be politics. It doesn't matter if we're talking about government, churches, classrooms, or businesses, people will be vying for power and attention. In a way, sibling rivalry is a form of politics, and will always be there to some extent.

However, here's a story that may help to reduce rivalry between little kids. 

When my daughter was little I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but needed to earn some money, so I ran a family daycare home. Normally the children I taught were from almost-three to Kindergarten age, but once a neighbor had an emergency and I agreed to care for her infant for a few weeks. None of the children had ever acted jealous of each other before, but they all seemed jealous of the baby and I had no idea why. 

Finally an articulate little boy told me it was because I loved the baby more than I loved them. When I asked what gave him that idea he said it was because I was always hugging the baby. I explained that holding the baby wasn't the same as hugging and I had to hold the baby a lot because it couldn't eat or move from one place to another by itself. Immediately all signs of jealousy from any of the children disappeared.

Perhaps if parents explain that to the big brothers and sisters as soon as a new baby joins the family it will help reduce the sibling rivalry.